Assertive Communication – How to be Goal-Oriented, Intentional, and Respectful

How can you make your needs heard while respecting the perspectives and experiences of your colleagues? By practicing assertive communication. Being an assertive communicator is a benefit at work (and in our everyday lives) as it is the style of communication that prioritizes clarity, transparency, and respect.

Some people confuse being assertive with being aggressive. But the reality is that assertive communication isn’t about steamrolling others to make your point; it’s about clear messaging. That is, assertive communication is about taking your internal thoughts, ideas, wishes, and goals and transmitting them in a way that’s clear and discernible to others.

Assertive communication is not all about us. It’s about our relationship with other people.

In situations where you perhaps want to talk to someone about their behaviour at work and are unsure of how to approach the situation, it can be easy to either avoid it or come on too strong, pushing the person away. Instead, being assertive in our communication is accomplished by listening to the people around us. Assertive communication is not all about us. It’s about our relationship with other people.

“Listen if you want to be heard.” – John Wooden

Communicating with someone, after all, means intending to enter into a dialogue – whether face-to-face, by email, or other means. Communication is about asking questions and listening to answers. It is about receiving information, analyzing responses, reassessing your position, and moving the discussion forward.

3 Essential Qualities of Assertive Communication

Goal-Oriented

“I have a clear message and a clear goal in mind when I communicate – whether that’s presenting an idea, asking for more information, or getting to know someone.”

This might seem obvious, but we’ve likely all been in a situation in which we’ve started a conversation with someone knowing what was bothering us, for example, but not being entirely clear with ourselves about what we wanted to get out of the discussion. This is especially likely in mitigating conflict – someone’s behaviour or words have upset you or your team at work and you’re tasked with dealing with the situation (or a friend or family member is doing something that’s upsetting you and you want to talk to them about it). Assertive communicators know that if they enter these conversations focused on how upset they are without clarity on the outcome they’re hoping for, that conversation can quickly turn aggressive (or passive, or otherwise unproductive). Determine your goal first, and the conversation will be much more productive.

Being an assertive communicator means that you don’t hide or feel the need to rationalize your opinions or ideas.

Intentional

“I’m comfortable with my opinions and ideas and I can state them while also making room for others.”

Being an assertive communicator means that you don’t hide or feel the need to rationalize your opinions or ideas. You’re comfortable sharing them because you know that they’re both valid and not necessarily the best. And you can share those ideas straightforwardly, being transparent about your needs, wants, and goals. Assertive communicators recognize that evolution and growth requires the input of others – we want to hear what our colleagues and friends think because that exchange of ideas and perspectives is what leads to the best decisions, collaborations, and innovations.

Respectful

“I can express my ideas honestly and respectfully, and I don’t assume my perspective is always the right one.”

In order to facilitate the exchange of ideas and perspectives, whether that’s in brainstorming, managing conflict, or strategizing, assertive communicators understand the need to make space for others to share. That means that while we can express our own opinions and suggestions for the best path forward, we do so in a way that doesn’t steamroll or shut down those around us. And when we’re presented with new information – like other people’s ideas, perspectives, or experiences – we are free to change our minds.

In order to facilitate the exchange of ideas and perspectives, whether that’s in brainstorming, managing conflict, or strategizing, assertive communicators understand the need to make space for others to share.

The foundation of assertive communication is in listening to others. When we better understand those around us, we can better understand where they’re coming from, why they might respond in one way or another, and how best to present our own ideas and perspectives so that they’re heard.

Being clear on your goals in conversation, intentional about sharing your perspective transparently, and respectful in your approach will lead to strengthened relationships with those around you and a healthier, more collaborative workplace environment.

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